Hasselhoff baked potato

WARNING: Your whole house will smell awesome and irresistible. Also, you may experience a minor heart attack from eating this. Both things are totally worth it.

Ingredients:

  • 1 pound of bacon
  • 1 large potato
  • Cheddar cheese
  • Salt, pepper, herbs, paprika, etc.
  • Olive oil
  • 1/2 stick butter
  • 1 clove garlic (finely chopped)
Ingredients needed
Ingredients needed

Steps:

  • Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.
  • Slice a potato straight across a lot, but not all the way through. You’ll be able to fold it open a little. Then start shoving bacon, garlic, and slices of butter in the slits. All of it. No, it’s not excessive you pansy. Keep shoving.
Bacon in the slits
Bacon in the slits
  • Sprinkle the salt, pepper, and seasonings on. Don’t be shy.
Season the baked potato
Season the baked potato
  • Drizzle olive oil on that bundle of joy then put it into the oven for 45-60 minutes. Prepare for the agony that is your house smelling awesome, but can’t eat this yet. It’ll come out of the oven looking like this:
Baked potato pre-cheese
Baked potato pre-cheese
  • Awww yaaaaa. Now add the cheese on top while it’s still hot. Watch the glorious cheddar melt on this bad boy.
Cheesy goodness
Cheesy goodness
  • Once the cheese has melted, grab any other ingredients and a beer and go to town. You should probably also go to the gym after eating this.
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Pan de queso

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup whole milk
  • 1/2 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups (10 ounces) tapioca flour or sour cassava flour
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 – 1 1/2 cups Parmesan cheese

Steps:

  • Preheat oven to 450 degrees
  • Combine the milk, oil, and salt in the saucepan, and whisking occasionally, bring it to a gentle boil over medium heat. Remove from heat as soon as you see big bubbles coming through the milk.
  • Add all of the tapioca flour to the saucepan and stir until you see no more dry tapioca flour. The dough will be grainy and gelatinous at this point.
  • Transfer the dough to the bowl of a standing mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. (Alternatively, you can do the next few steps by hand. Be prepared for a work-out.) Beat the dough for a few minutes at medium speed until it smooths out and has cooled enough that you can hold your finger against the dough for several seconds.
  • Whisk the eggs together in a small bowl. With the mixer on medium, beat the eggs into the dough in two additions. Wait until the first addition has been fully incorporated into the dough before adding the second. Scrape down the sides of the bowl as needed.
  • With the mixer on medium, beat in the cheese until fully incorporated. The resulting dough will be very sticky, stretchy, and soft with a consistency between cake batter and cooke dough.
  • Using an ice cream scoop, a tablespoon measure, or a dinner spoon, scoop rounded portions of the dough into mounds on the parchment-lined baking sheet. Space the mounds an inch or two apart. Dip your scoop in water to prevent sticking.
  • Transfer the sheet with the puffs to the oven and immediately turn down the heat to 350°F. Bake for 25-30 minutes, until the puffs have puffed, the outsides are dry, and they are just starting to color. Cool briefly and eat. Leftover puffs can be kept in an airtight container for up to a week and re-crisped in a warm oven or toaster oven.
Brazilian cheese bread
Brazilian cheese bread

Root beer fried chicken

Some know it as “change-your-life” chicken or “the-reason-why-I-havent-bounced-back-from-extra-holiday-poundage” chicken 🙂

Brine:
2 cans root beer
1 tablespoon salt
1 tsp thyme
4 cloves garlic chopped
4 teaspoons mild hot sauce
12 chicken legs
Batter:
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoon kosher salt
4 teaspoons black pepper
4 teaspoons smoked Spanish paprika
6 cloves garlic, chopped (DO NOT SUBSTITUTE GARLIC POWDER OR I CANNOT VOUCH FOR THIS RECIPE!)
1 tablespoon onion powder
2 teaspoons cayenne pepper
1. In a large bowl, combine brine ingredients. Cover & set in fridge for ~4 hours.
2. In another bowl, combine batter ingredients.
3. Bust out a pot (wide enough to cook at least 3 legs at a time without crowding) and candy thermometer–you want to maintain a temp of 350. Heat about 1 1/2 in of oil.
4. Prep chicken (you can prep as you go). Remove chicken from brine and pat dry. Cover in flour mixture, then shake excess off. Then do another coat: dunk in brine quickly, flour, shake.
5. Working in batches of 2 or 3 at a time, carefully lower thighs into the hot oil. The oil temperature will plummet when the cold chicken goes into the pan; turn up the heat and carefully monitor the temperature. Cook for a little more than 3 minutes on one side, a little more than 3 minutes on the other, and then a final 3 minutes on the first side. Remove to a wire rack or paper towel to drain.
6. The juices should run clear when the chicken is poked with a knife. If necessary, transfer the browned chicken to a baking sheet and bake until the internal temperature reaches 180 degrees on a instant-read thermometer.
Optional: Serve w/ sriracha mayo (literally just mix the two to your level of spiciness) but it’s spectacular by itself so you might end up wasting the mayo.
Somewhat adapted from this but better:

 

 

Miso salmon

Ingredients:

  • White miso paste (6 tablespoons)
  • 1 or 2 green onions (coarsely chopped)
  • Rice wine (1/3 cup)
  • Sugar (4 tablespoons)
  • 4 salmon fillets

Steps:

  • Mix miso paste, rice wine, and sugar in a bowl. Mash and stir until a consistent mixture is  formed with a medium consistency similar to thicker oatmeal, but completely mixed together. Add in miso or rice wine accordingly to achieve this.
  • Put the salmon in a tupperware container that has been lined with a paper towel. Cover all salmon fillets in the miso and rub it on.
  • Add the green onions in and place around all the fillets.
  • Cover the fillets with a paper towel and marinate for 24 hours.
  • To cook the salmon, place 2 fillets on a plate, cover with a  paper towel, then microwave for 3 minutes or until cooked. The ends should be slightly seared compared to the rest of the fish.
  • Serve with rice.